The Gatekeepers of Joy
No one gets the keys to the doors of your happiness except you. Yet, some people pretend like they can lock the doors up.
Have you ever encountered the joy gatekeepers?
- The nice lady who was overly sweet to you when you were a kid, but that glint in her eyes when you were happy and jumping around the furniture inside your house was unnerving. She smiled at you sweetly. And told your parents behind your back that you’re unruly and told them to get you to stop. She was also extremely interested to know whether you have reached puberty yet, because that would surely put an end to your antics.
- The old friend who treats your newly found fit self, like it was suffering from a life-threatening illness.
- The workout buddy who tells you that your traveling days are over because you will soon have to settle down.
- The acquaintance with whom you are discussing the cool new course that you’re about to start, and they tell you that it will be too challenging for your brain and that it’s not even worth trying.
- The many people who tell you to stop laughing because you will soon have to cry.
A gatekeeper, as you figured, is someone who controls access to a place or resource. But these gatekeepers are self-appointed and frankly, nosy. Your aspirations are your own, yet none of us exist in isolation. So, how do we navigate a world with these rude guards?
Here is your quota of pain. No bargains or exchanges
Is there really any correlation between being hit by misfortune after a round of laughter and enjoyment? Neither I nor the people whom I have posed this question to have any concrete evidence for it. Although, all my life I’ve been taught to believe (mostly by example) that joy must be accompanied by pain or shortly followed by it. People become uncomfortable around joy, like it is a fickle and unfaithful little thing. That it would go away in a blink, and they would be able say “Oh, I knew all along that you would betray me”. We feel like we are in control of our lives when we fool ourselves into thinking that we predicted our own misfortunes. Nah, that’s just life being life. Your mind fooled you again. (Bonus: And now it is fooling you out of thinking that it fooled you. Get it?)
Spread the joy (and the pain)
I believe that these people who get unnerved by our joy or happiness are the ones who are so wounded by life, yet never reached out to healing. Maybe they never believed that they could heal. And then there are also those who carry around their pain like a trophy because they can survive on the attention and martyrdom that it bestows upon them. Then there are those brave souls who are trying their best to heal. It is easy to slip up and very difficult to face one’s demons.
Hurt people hurt people. I have received many bruises and scrapes when I let myself be vulnerable around those. I have sabotaged my own joys when they started to get too intense. I would look at perfect evenings with the ones I love and begin frantically searching for things that could go horribly wrong. I would let people whose intentions were suspicious from the onset or even those with insecure hearts trample upon the joys I shared and the excitement that I felt.
How on earth do you protect your “vibes” when all of us are hurt in some way?
I am slowly unlearning to suppress and kill my own joy and that of others (guilty), as I heal my own hurt, but I do not expect anyone else to change. While I am still not immune to the occasional injury, it is getting better.
Joy is like wealth. Maybe joy is wealth. I would share it with those who are grateful for it, cherish it and possibly pass it on. I would protect it from those who try to grab it with desperation or sabotage it because they wrongly believe that there is only so much joy to go around.
Have you had any experience with sharing a piece of news or an experience that was precious to you, only to have it shot down and you felt like crap for hours to days? I will try my best to give you a safe space to b**** about it.
